Last evening I had the pleasure of attending a ‘Strength’s based Parenting Workshop’ run by PoPsy – PracticalPositivePsychology.
Afterwards there were 2 things that stayed with me and I thought I would share.
1. Dr Dan Siegal has stated that the one word that sums up the kind of parenting that is best for our children is ‘presence’. Yet, it has been found that on average a parent spends 13 minutes a day talking to their teenage child, and most of that talk is negative. (Zeynip Beringen Research)
I guess the question we as parents need to ask is what does it mean to be ‘present’?
According to notes we received last night
“Being present means being open to what is, being aware of what is happening as it is happening, being receptive to our own inner mental sea, and attuning to the inner life of another present…… Feeling felt is the basis for secure attachment. It is also the essence of healthy relationships in all domains of our lives. Regardless of whether you have 10 minutes, an hour, or the whole day, don’t just be there for your teen (or anyone really), be present and in those moments, be sure to rid yourself of distractions, including your smartphone.”
2. I have blogged before about a “Micro-moment”. Professor Barbara Fedrickson and her colleagues found that a micro-moment of connection between 2 people has magic like results. A micro-moment is that eye-contact, that touch on the should that says “I care”, it is a genuine connection that then impacts our relationships, health and performance.
We were challenged to be aware of micro-moments and to take up opportunities to make them happen. Moments can include: when you say goodbye to your children in the morning or arrive home in the afternoon. Or, when you farewell your spouse or reunite after the day. It is giving them that gift of presence and contact.
Chris Petersen a founding researcher in Positive Psychology is famous for saying
“Our relationships matter – more than anything in the world.”
May you find lots of micro-moments today and remember to be present with your children and those around you.