Self-respect not to be confused with self-esteem (Part 2)

Today I am continuing on with the summary of the lecture that Dr Toni Noble gave titled ‘Developing your self-respect’.

There are 5 building blocks that are helpful in developing self-respect.


1. Respect for others
Our values guide our behaviours. eg compassion, kindness, honesty.  We need to put these into practice even in difficult situations.  Also, we need to learn to extend compassion and support towards others and try to help others in trouble.


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2. Self knowledge

Be aware of what strengths you have. There is a list of 25 character strengths that Seligman and Peterson developed.  (There are different tests on line that can be taken, see

Focus more on your strengths than on your limitations.

3. Self management

Adopt a positive approach to life, one that has gratitude. (I happened to read 2 fantastic blogs today on exactly this and was truly thankful and amazed how it helped – I was in a ‘woe is me spot’ when I started the day!  They are overtly Christian, but for those interested the link is how to raise grateful kids )

Trust your own judgement, yet at the same time be open to advice.  We need to be able to balance pride with humility!


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4. Self control

We seem to have a spreading epidemic of self-regulation failure, this is not the same as low self-esteem.  Kids today are surrounded by so much technology that is highly distracting eg. using the computer for school work, but at the same time there is such easy access to other things.

Toni Noble mentioned the research involving the marshmallow test (the research is by Mischel et al). It has longitudinal data following children who were tested at the age of 4 who are now adults in their 40’s.  Briefly, a 4 year old was placed in a room with a marshmallow and told that if they waited until the person got back without touching the one in front of them, then they would get another one. The wait was approximately 15 minutes.

What the research has found that now, at age 40, out of those who waited there is a high percent who are  academically successful in life, whereas out of those who did not wait there is a higher percent of people with social problems, obesity issues and drug use. (Even Wikipedia has a summary of the test ‘Stanford marshmallow experiment”)


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5. Self protect

If a person has self-respect then self-protect follows.  A person will not let others bully or hurt them, they will be healthier in life style and not put themselves down.

There is so much in these 5 building blocks! Each building block provides a topic with so many possibilities for the classroom.  These topics wold also make great dinner time conversations with families! What does it mean to have self respect?

Educate for self-respect, not self-esteem.


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Take a moment…

It is school holidays in my part of the world! That means time to be spent with the kids and hubby. Hooray!  We are all really looking forward to being together, converting our back shed into a ‘garden room’ and not meeting too many time lines.


photo: rebekahbleby

I am hoping to continue with my Monday, Wednesday and ‘thought for the weekend’ blogs, but they may be shorter!

I was reading a Positive Psychology News Daily Post by Shaen Yeo which I found particularly inspiring. It was about Nick Vujicic, a courageous man who was born with no arms or legs.  Please go to the link if you are interested in reading more!

(Sorry, for those who receive my blogs on email, the link did not work, but this link does!)

“The role of gratitude on living a full life is not new. In his research, Robert Emmons has found that being grateful has significant physical, psychological and social benefits. People who practice gratitude often report better immune systems, better sleep, and more positivity. They also feel less lonely, less isolated and more generous.

For Nick, being grateful means focusing on what he has, what Emmons calls an affirmation of goodness: there are good things in the world, and we have received some of them. It also provides a means for Nick to figure out where that goodness is coming from, in Emmons’ words, “recognizing a humble dependence on others.” Nick credits his parents for treating him as a normal child, his wife Kanae for unwavering love, and God for giving him this life to inspire others.”


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It is always good to be reminded, to take a moment for thinking about ‘some of the good things in the world we have received.’

slow down and give thanks

I recently started reading a blog by Jeff Goins.  This week he has been blogging each day and setting the challenge to slow down. His blog today was all on gratitude. Please check out his blog if you are interested in reading more!

Below are some direct quotes from him, with photos that I took when I visited my local beach!  It was a windy, icy day but I was so thankful to be there and it was spectacular!

“One of the curses of living in such a fast-paced society is that we tend to take things for granted. We overlook everyday blessings, oblivious to the fact that life itself is a gift. And if we’re not careful, we can find ourselves rushing through each day, less and less grateful, which is no way to live.”


slow down and notice nature…

“Part of the reason we learn to say “thanks” for the seemingly small things is that it helps us appreciate the “big” things in life when they do come.

And the other reason is that as we learn to appreciate the small, we realize it is all big.”


Notice the small (not that the sun is small!) everyday things.

“We learn to stop waiting for tomorrow or a better break and finally embrace where we are, right now. Which hopefully by now we can say is a very good place.”


“Be grateful for the moments that slow you down, the ones that cause you to take your time. Use these opportunities to appreciate what you already have and tend to miss. As you do, see how much better life looks, and actually is, when you approach it with gratitude.”