A Micro-moment

Last evening I had the pleasure of attending a ‘Strength’s based Parenting Workshop’ run by PoPsy – PracticalPositivePsychology.

Afterwards there were 2 things that stayed with me and I thought I would share.

1. Dr Dan Siegal has stated that the one word that sums up the kind of parenting that is best for our children is ‘presence’.  Yet, it has been found that on average a parent spends 13 minutes a day talking to their teenage child, and most of that talk is negative. (Zeynip Beringen Research)
I guess the question we as parents need to ask is what does it mean to be ‘present’?

According to notes we received last night
“Being present means being open to what is, being aware of what is happening as it is happening, being receptive to our own inner mental sea, and attuning to the inner life of another present…… Feeling felt is the basis for secure attachment.  It is also the essence of healthy relationships in all domains of our lives.  Regardless of whether you have 10 minutes, an hour, or the whole day, don’t just be there for your teen (or anyone really), be present and in those moments, be sure to rid yourself of distractions, including your smartphone.”

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2. I have blogged before about a “Micro-moment”.  Professor Barbara Fedrickson and her colleagues found that a micro-moment of connection between 2 people has magic like results.  A micro-moment is that eye-contact, that touch on the should that says “I care”, it is a genuine connection that then impacts our relationships, health and performance.

We were challenged to be aware of micro-moments and to take up opportunities to make them happen.  Moments can include:  when you say goodbye to your children in the morning or arrive home in the afternoon.  Or, when you farewell your spouse or reunite after the day.  It is giving them that gift of presence and contact.

Chris Petersen a founding researcher in Positive Psychology is famous for saying
“Our relationships matter – more than anything in the world.”

May you find lots of micro-moments today and remember to be present with your children and those around you.

Blessings

R x

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Contentment

This entry has been going around in my head for a few days now.

When I drive my 2 boys to school, the elder one sits in the front seat and flicks through the different stations on the radio. Some mornings it drives me mad, other mornings I don’t mind. On Monday as the boy flicked through I asked him to pause.  The DJ was talking about a recent UK study on contentment. (My apologies, due to the channel flicking I missed out on the exact details of the study!) It found that money and travel did not bring contentment. I was interested particularly in the travel concept as recently I had been reading how important it was to travel and feeling a little guilty that so far in their lives I had not been able to expose my children to different cultures through travel.

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It seems that with money and travel one never gets enough, there is never an end in sight.  This means that contentment does not come as there is always the desire for more and the possibility of more.

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Instead, the things that bring contentment are the little things in life. Those ‘micro-moments’.
The things that bring most contentment requires us ‘being in the moment’. It requires us being aware of those little things that make up everyday life and being thankful for them.

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As I have reflected on this I have been thinking about my responsibility as a parent to teach my children this. What a gift I would be giving them, if they, amongst this crazy world of bigger is better and new is best, I could teach them to appreciate and see the things that bring contentment.

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The radio station then asked people to call in or post on their Facebook page what brings them contentment.
I asked myself the same question – sitting in the sun reading, watching my kids play happily, looking at my kids snuggled up in bed, sitting with a cup of tea talking with my man, laughing with family and friends, sharing with family and friends….the list could go on.
I will ask my kids the same question, and maybe it is something we need to be continually revisit as we oppose the materialistic world around us that is based on needing things to be content.

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Thus, I am asking you the reader what brings you contentment? I would love to hear from you.
R x